


it's alright, it's okay

by steviatea



Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steviatea/pseuds/steviatea
Summary: It’s the little things about Lydia that Kim has come to adore.
Relationships: Lydia Rodarte-Quayle/Kim Wexler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	it's alright, it's okay

**Author's Note:**

> Some Kim/Lydia, requested by an anonymous Tumblr user!

There are numerous things that Kim notices about Lydia in their time together, such as the way that Lydia stirs her stevia into her tea, or the fact that she’ll occasionally wear mismatched shoes, or even how she idly takes Kim’s hand into her own when they’re sitting beside each other, playing with Kim’s fingers for a change instead of anxiously fidgeting with her own.

Kim learns that Lydia never drinks coffee, only tea, and when told that tea isn’t available at a restaurant, she tends to behave as if she’s been personally insulted. Kim likes to hold her hand in these times, a little bit of comfort, and she can tell that Lydia appreciates it by the way that the stress upon her face softens to grateful appreciation.

She notices that Lydia loves to wear the same shades of blue that Kim does, and that she’s an avid enthusiast when it comes to talking about the routes trains move in, and the transportation and shipments she manages at Madrigal Electromotive. Kim particularly enjoys the way Lydia smiles when she rambles about things that Kim has next to no knowledge on, nevertheless appreciating how cute it is when she gets enthusiastic.

Kim additionally observes that Lydia is a dedicated mother, and that she adores her daughter Kiira with every bit of her heart. It’s endearing to watch the two together, and even more heartwarming when Kim herself gets to join in on their family activities. Movie nights with animated movies. _Finding Nemo_ is Kiira’s favorite, and Kim’s already seen it several times through spending time with Lydia and her daughter. It’s even more heartwarming to Kim on a personal level whenever Kim comes over to Lydia’s house and Kiira herself is _excited_ to see her.

She’s come to learn little details about her relationship with Lydia through talks with her daughter. It’s adorable to hear validating little things from the perspective of a child: _“Mommy always smiles when she talks about you.”_

Then, there are the little things that Lydia does — little behaviors that don’t directly impact her relationship at all, but things that Kim finds endearing to watch, like the way that Lydia plays with things with her hands when not picking at her nails or fidgeting nervously. The way she plays with stevia packets, the way she brings those little packages to restaurants whenever they go on dates. Kim isn’t a fan of the sweetener herself; she’s full-on happy with sugar alone, but she supports her girlfriend and her passion for the _alternative sweetener._

It’s the little things about Lydia that Kim has come to adore.

She also discovers, in due time, that Lydia cries like she’s practiced in the art of hiding it from others — this is something that Kim notices when she awakens one night, pulled from her dreams by the sound of weeping so quiet that Kim might have otherwise slept through it, had she not been a light enough sleeper. It’s a sorrowfully soft sound, hushed and suppressed as crying could grt, but easy enough to hear in the stillness of the night within Lydia’s otherwise quiet bedroom. Hearing her in such a state is deeply troubling to Kim; she’s certain she’s never heard her girlfriend cry before.

Sharing the bed with Lydia, Kim naturally has to do _something_ — she can’t simply go without taking action. Lydia’s facing away from Kim, laying on her side and likely unaware that Kim isn’t any longer sleeping. Reaching over, Kim’s fingers gently brush over the younger woman’s shoulder, her voice a groggy murmur when she speaks. “Hey, is everything okay?”

Even the lightest of touches causes Lydia to startle, flinching upon being touched. She quickly turns over, the widened whites of her eyes visible enough in the darkness to show the clearly _startled_ expression upon her face. She breathes quickly, on the verge of a panic attack, but recognition sets in shortly thereafter. “Oh, _god_ — Kim?” Her words are strained, nose stuffy from crying.

“Yeah, it’s just me,” Kim reassures her, sleepily resting her hand upon Lydia’s arm. Certainly, she hadn’t meant to scare nor startle her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Lydia takes a shaky breath, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffling. “It’s… it’s okay,” she manages to stammer out in response, though her rapid breathing suggests otherwise. “I just didn’t expect you to wake up,” she adds, lowered to a hoarse whisper, her words carrying a desolate sound about them when she speaks between unsteady breaths. 

“Let me get you a tissue,” Kim tells her in a gentle, albeit somewhat _groggy_ tone as she reaches over to Lydia’s night-stand, feeling around for a tissue box she _knows_ is there before successfully grabbing one.

Lydia accepts the tissue with a murmured, “Thank you.” The noise that she makes when blowing her nose directly contrasts the uptight yet graceful attitude she’d keep about herself during the day. She’s the opposite of fancy, in the state she’s in now; hair rustled and no longer meticulously straightened or pulled-back in a tight bun. There’s something that Kim finds _adorable_ about her in the middle of the night, though, in pajamas and comfortable clothes. Setting the tissue aside, Lydia adds, “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it. It’s totally fine,” Kim says, and though it’s hard to keep the sleepiness from her voice and overall disposition, she still instinctively fusses over Lydia, Kim rubs her hand along the other woman’s arm in what she can only _hope_ is a soothing, comforting manner. “I can always sleep more later, I’m just worried about you. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, really,” Lydia croaks in a weak little voice, immediately dodging the subject. She’s wordless for the next few passing moments, sniffling and shuddering enough that Kim could feel the vibrations in the bed springs below them. Kim could guess that Lydia’s not accustomed to talking in-depth about her feelings like this — in fact, she seems almost _afraid_ to do so at the moment.

“Are you sure?” Kim’s mind, though a little slow to start due to just having woken up, is already heading toward self-doubt and insecurity of her own. Her and Lydia haven’t had any major arguments yet in their relationship, but it’s an unfortunate response to her own personal past trauma that she internally runs through _all_ of the self-doubt: _She’s upset because of me. I did something wrong._

So, Kim decides to ask quite drowsily, “Did I say something wrong earlier, do something to upset you?” She can’t even remember what conversations they’d had before bed, but she nevertheless wants to know if she’s done _something_ wrong so she can correct her own errors. “I don’t mean to make this about me, or anything, but if I _did_ do something wrong—“

“No,” Lydia is quick to interrupt her, but then she elaborates more carefully afterwards, adding, “Of course not, Kim. I swear, that’s not it. You… you haven’t done anything wrong at all. It’s not you, by any means.” Her response sounds like an honest attempt to sound reassuring, but the way her voice cracks as she gets the words out is just _heartbreaking._ “No, it’s _just…_ it’s just nightmares.”

Kim can feel a sympathetic stirring within her chest, an empathetic ache for her lover’s sorrow and pain, though she does not know what has brought up such vulnerable emotions. “Come here,” Kim murmurs, rolling onto her back and patting the bed immediately beside her. “Let me hold you.”

Kim welcomes Lydia with open arms when she sidles up to her, vulnerable as ever. She can feel Lydia’s body shaking as softly weeps, her breathing noticeably erratic as it would be during panic. Of course, Kim holds her close without any hesitation, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and idly running her fingers through her long, silky hair. It’s times like this that she wishes she had the words to say more comforting things, but that’s where things like touch come in handy, perhaps. It’s moments before Kim speaks to her again, and she does so in a way that’s compassionate, _doting_ even — her words are chosen carefully, a deliberate expression of love in the caring tone she uses.

“What was the nightmare about? You can talk to me about it, if you want to.”

There’s hesitation before Lydia responds, and she looks up to Kim with apprehension in her eyes, like she fears judgment over talking about her nightmare. “I was a young girl again, and I was back in the group home I grew up in. It’s like I was trapped. The girls I roomed with were attacking me for… I don’t even know what, but they hated me and wanted me dead,” Lydia murmurs with tears in her eyes. Leaning the weight of her petit form against Kim, she lets out a quivering sigh, continuing, “I know that probably sounds stupid. I… I don’t tend to talk to people about these sorts of things. Not ever.”

Eyebrows furrowing, Kim’s quick to shake her head, tenderly running her fingers through Lydia’s hair. “Hey, that’s not stupid at all. I mean, I can’t even imagine how shitty that must’ve been for you.”

Lydia sighs, her hands idly playing with the fabric of Kim’s pajama shirt; it’s an old shirt left over from college that’s been worn so many times that it’s ideal for sleeping in. It seems that Lydia quite likes the texture of the shirt as well, bunching the end of the shirt up in her small fist while she continues. “God, it was the _worst_ place I’ve ever been, to this day. The staff was so strict, and all of the girls there were so _cruel._ I never made a single friend in that place — not permanently, at least. Everyone I got along with eventually got foster homes. I never did. I don’t know why, but I just wasn’t desirable enough to be a foster kid.”

“I’m so sorry. That must’ve been horrible, growing up in a place like that.” There had been a few times where Kim’s mother had skirted dangerously close to losing custody of Kim, being drunk as she’d been — she’d never ended up in the system, though. She never experienced anything like what Lydia’s been through, and even without hearing the details Kim is able to surmise that it was traumatic for Lydia. “Did you spend your whole childhood there?”

“Essentially” Lydia replies softly, her breathing somewhat stable now that she’s gotten into the rhythm of conversation. She’s still quite apprehensive, though, and it’s evident when she speaks. adding, “I was a smart kid. I don’t mean to brag, of course, but I was able to finish high school early and get a scholarship, and I left when I was seventeen. I never turned back.”

Kim leans in closer, placing a tender kiss upon Lydia’s forehead. “I’m glad you’re out of there now,” she says.

“Thank you. I know it’s been years since I was in that situation, but I guess my subconscious just loves reminding me of how horrible my childhood was,” Lydia replies, sniffling and shuddering. She clings to Kim tightly, as if she’s afraid her lover might disappear if she were to let go. “I really didn’t mean to wake you up. I feel like such an asshole.”

“You certainly aren’t an asshole,” Kim reassures her.

Lydia adjusts her position in bed, shifting so that she’s face-to-face with Kim. She kisses her with soft lips, affectionately short and sweet. “I’m so glad you’re here right now. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she says, and being so close to one another, Kim can feel Lydia’s body beginning to relax somewhat when she continues to speak. “Thank you for spending the night with me.”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” Kim tells her, and she means it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me at [steviatea](https://steviatea.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, where I’m open to prompts and requests for fanwork!


End file.
